can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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