lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
