Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
