Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
