You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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