Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
