Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
