Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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