i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
