i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
