I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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