is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
