I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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