Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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