I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
