if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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