You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
