Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
