worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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