Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
