Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
