I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
