You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
