he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My bed smells like the plague
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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