Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
