She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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