I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
