Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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