dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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