The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
