Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
