did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We had to coat check the pizza.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
