you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
FUCK WHALES
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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