I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Four minutes until I can fart!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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