Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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