Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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