Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
