I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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