Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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