just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
