After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
