Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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