omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
