6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
