And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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