It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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