idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
