I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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