Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize