You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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