I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
