I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
