Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
