You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
