My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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