margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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