In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
