We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Randomize
