I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
