i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
