he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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