Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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