I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
