I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
