I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
