bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
