before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
