woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
