I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
