Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
