Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
