I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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