I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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