I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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