if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
