who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize