I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
