Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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