im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
