He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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