just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
